2006 Emmy Awards
Nothing makes a human decide to ditch live-blogging for a “sleep on it” review faster than the sight of Ryan Seacrest (E!) and Billy Bush (NBC) engaged in a contest to see who can reveal a more inappropriate lack of knowledge about Hollywood. Almost as if both men decided, “Hey, nobody cares about the Emmys, so why should we?”
Well…why should we?
Um.
Er.
Um.
Er.
A swag-bag scandal? Tom Cruise vs. Paramount: Who you got? Really, this is the best we can do, people? The telecast itself managed to come in on-time, just under three hours, thereby saving Bob Newhart from an untimely death. But a lot of it had a been there, done that, seen it all before feel to it. The opening montage (which reminds you, how long ago was it that Billy Crystal and the Oscars put their host in the pictures?) did get in some early jabs with a cameo by Lost’s Hurley (“Well, we weren’t exactly invited”), a drop-in with The Office that included an inside joke for fans, visits with 24 and House and NBC’s To Catch a Predator, but the best was South Park, with a revised version of the “Trapped in the Closet” episode (yes, with Tom Cruise).
Conan O’Brien’s monologue? Self-deprecating, but also self-network deprecating – NBC, from first to “in the top five!”
Other highlights…
Megan Mullally wins (again), cries (probably again) for supporting actress, comedy prize. Presenter Ellen Pompeo looked nice, but then she opened her mouth. Why does everyone keep calling the pizza boy Dr. McDreamy?
Alan Alda doesn’t show up, sparing us an acceptance speech (hooray!) for supporting actor, drama.
But Julia Louis-Dreyfuss looks good for her 40s! No, really. She does.
Here come the Sheens, with supporting actress drama, for Blythe Danner, another repeat winner. Very Emmy, these repeat winners. Perhaps that’s why no one watches the Emmys.
As for supporting actor, comedy? Jeremy Piven. No hugging it out. Just the first good lines in an acceptance speech, saying he has to work, keeping it real, keeping it simple. We might just make it on-time. We might just do it. You know. I suddenly realize this morning rewatching the video why the Emmys are such a bore (even with Conan O’Brien and his writing crew on the job). All of these awards for miniseries and cable movies that no one watched. It’s like the portion of the Oscars that honors the short films. It’s a big moment for those involved, but it has very little appeal for us watching at home. Unless we have Comcast On Demand and can watch some of this stuff, I suppose. But that doesn’t help tonight. Fast forward, we go!
Multiple awards for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, again, in the variety categories. But they deserve it. The comedy directing and writing winners (both for the My Name is Earl pilot) both have good lines in their acceptance speeches. Greg Garcia cited people he would not like to thank: His eighth-grade social studies teacher, his boss on “Step By Step,” and “finally God, I’m sure you’re partially responsible in some way, but you took my hair. Not cool. Not cool, man.”
A few new Apple ads with Mac vs. PC, and with each one, we’re reminded that the PC guy is funny, so why should we buy a Mac again???
The Dick Clark tribute, with Dick Clark. And Barry Manilow. Who, after the break, wins for best individual performance in a variety show, beating out Stephen Colbert. Even Manilow looks shocked.
Then a bunch of blah blah blah.
The variety writing nominees, as in previous years, produce funny nominee bits.
Hugh Laurie, in English, American or French, is funny. Andre Braugher wins for best actor in a miniseries for a show that actually was a series, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? I’m confused.
Tony Shaloub wins (again) best comedy actor for Monk, then says he “never wins anything”??? I’m still confused.
The Aaron Spelling tribute, without Spelling, of course, but with repeated cutaways to the mother-daughter catfighters. Dynasty, anyone? How about the original Charlie’s Angels? Time has not been kind to two of the angels, but Jaclyn Smith….wow!
Blah blah blah.
Colbert and Stewart can make even awards-show banter seem funny, “Wolverine I could’ve lost to, he has claws for hands!” Colbert yelps. BTW, The Amazing Race wins the reality show category, which it has accomplished every year the category has been included in the Emmys.
Katherine Heigl. Hit the mute button! Hit the mute button! Phew, better.
More miniseries categories?!
Mariska Hargitay wins best dramatic acting, and her SVU partner is going to be pissed in a few minutes when he gets the snub.
But first, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss wins best comedy acting. “I’m not somebody who really believes in curses, but curse this, baby!” she starts in her speech. Her fear of forgetting somebody really important gets multiple video cues to her husband, Brad Hall.
Kiefer Sutherland wins best dramatic acting for 24. “My father is sitting over there. Hi. We’re going to have to have dinner now.”
Newhart is out of his cage! And he gets to present the best comedy award to The Office. Which means fewer people will watch it now and NBC will cancel it. Great. Just great. Conan pumps his fists. Why? In a minute or so, The Office’s speech-maker says Conan and I were roommates 20 years ago. Plus a shoutout to Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant for creating the BBC original masterpiece.
24 wins best drama. Which means it’s day is numbered, too. But we can worry about that some other day. It’s almost time for the MTV VMA’s, isn’t it? That should provide plenty of unintentional hilarity. It better.
Well…why should we?
Um.
Er.
Um.
Er.
A swag-bag scandal? Tom Cruise vs. Paramount: Who you got? Really, this is the best we can do, people? The telecast itself managed to come in on-time, just under three hours, thereby saving Bob Newhart from an untimely death. But a lot of it had a been there, done that, seen it all before feel to it. The opening montage (which reminds you, how long ago was it that Billy Crystal and the Oscars put their host in the pictures?) did get in some early jabs with a cameo by Lost’s Hurley (“Well, we weren’t exactly invited”), a drop-in with The Office that included an inside joke for fans, visits with 24 and House and NBC’s To Catch a Predator, but the best was South Park, with a revised version of the “Trapped in the Closet” episode (yes, with Tom Cruise).
Conan O’Brien’s monologue? Self-deprecating, but also self-network deprecating – NBC, from first to “in the top five!”
Other highlights…
Megan Mullally wins (again), cries (probably again) for supporting actress, comedy prize. Presenter Ellen Pompeo looked nice, but then she opened her mouth. Why does everyone keep calling the pizza boy Dr. McDreamy?
Alan Alda doesn’t show up, sparing us an acceptance speech (hooray!) for supporting actor, drama.
But Julia Louis-Dreyfuss looks good for her 40s! No, really. She does.
Here come the Sheens, with supporting actress drama, for Blythe Danner, another repeat winner. Very Emmy, these repeat winners. Perhaps that’s why no one watches the Emmys.
As for supporting actor, comedy? Jeremy Piven. No hugging it out. Just the first good lines in an acceptance speech, saying he has to work, keeping it real, keeping it simple. We might just make it on-time. We might just do it. You know. I suddenly realize this morning rewatching the video why the Emmys are such a bore (even with Conan O’Brien and his writing crew on the job). All of these awards for miniseries and cable movies that no one watched. It’s like the portion of the Oscars that honors the short films. It’s a big moment for those involved, but it has very little appeal for us watching at home. Unless we have Comcast On Demand and can watch some of this stuff, I suppose. But that doesn’t help tonight. Fast forward, we go!
Multiple awards for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, again, in the variety categories. But they deserve it. The comedy directing and writing winners (both for the My Name is Earl pilot) both have good lines in their acceptance speeches. Greg Garcia cited people he would not like to thank: His eighth-grade social studies teacher, his boss on “Step By Step,” and “finally God, I’m sure you’re partially responsible in some way, but you took my hair. Not cool. Not cool, man.”
A few new Apple ads with Mac vs. PC, and with each one, we’re reminded that the PC guy is funny, so why should we buy a Mac again???
The Dick Clark tribute, with Dick Clark. And Barry Manilow. Who, after the break, wins for best individual performance in a variety show, beating out Stephen Colbert. Even Manilow looks shocked.
Then a bunch of blah blah blah.
The variety writing nominees, as in previous years, produce funny nominee bits.
Hugh Laurie, in English, American or French, is funny. Andre Braugher wins for best actor in a miniseries for a show that actually was a series, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? I’m confused.
Tony Shaloub wins (again) best comedy actor for Monk, then says he “never wins anything”??? I’m still confused.
The Aaron Spelling tribute, without Spelling, of course, but with repeated cutaways to the mother-daughter catfighters. Dynasty, anyone? How about the original Charlie’s Angels? Time has not been kind to two of the angels, but Jaclyn Smith….wow!
Blah blah blah.
Colbert and Stewart can make even awards-show banter seem funny, “Wolverine I could’ve lost to, he has claws for hands!” Colbert yelps. BTW, The Amazing Race wins the reality show category, which it has accomplished every year the category has been included in the Emmys.
Katherine Heigl. Hit the mute button! Hit the mute button! Phew, better.
More miniseries categories?!
Mariska Hargitay wins best dramatic acting, and her SVU partner is going to be pissed in a few minutes when he gets the snub.
But first, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss wins best comedy acting. “I’m not somebody who really believes in curses, but curse this, baby!” she starts in her speech. Her fear of forgetting somebody really important gets multiple video cues to her husband, Brad Hall.
Kiefer Sutherland wins best dramatic acting for 24. “My father is sitting over there. Hi. We’re going to have to have dinner now.”
Newhart is out of his cage! And he gets to present the best comedy award to The Office. Which means fewer people will watch it now and NBC will cancel it. Great. Just great. Conan pumps his fists. Why? In a minute or so, The Office’s speech-maker says Conan and I were roommates 20 years ago. Plus a shoutout to Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant for creating the BBC original masterpiece.
24 wins best drama. Which means it’s day is numbered, too. But we can worry about that some other day. It’s almost time for the MTV VMA’s, isn’t it? That should provide plenty of unintentional hilarity. It better.
